he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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