We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
