nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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