i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
