i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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