There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize