I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
