I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish I only lived at night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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