If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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