i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
