And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
