Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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