my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
