hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She needs sedatives and a leash
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
