I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
