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you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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