dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
