u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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