Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
