Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
