R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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