There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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