he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
