Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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