She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
