trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
