I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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