Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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