If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
