Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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