It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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