she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
