Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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