It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
