No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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