I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
