id be glad to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
