trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
