I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
