At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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