you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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