So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
