Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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