is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
