I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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