Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
