upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
