Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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