people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
