we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
