Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
