What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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