if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
