the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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