so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
