dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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