the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
