she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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