Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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