I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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