I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
