The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
