And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
