Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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