I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize