how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
