i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
