dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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