She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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