its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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