I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
