He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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