God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
