was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
