I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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