If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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