i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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