Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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