dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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